Joan, accepting the fact that she could speak freely as they had by now established a rapport of some sort, started, “All indicators point to silence as the better way, but keep in mind that you stopped short of carrying out your act of escapism. You could end up in a similar or worse situation in the future, and the next time you may not be so fortunate.”

“Firstly, what type of person is your wife? Calm and collected, or one who is easily upset and responds with ranting, raving, and screaming? Is she a person you can talk to reasonably, or one who goes off on a tangent? If she is calm and a person you can talk with, then I suggest you speak with her in private. If not, then it would be better to talk to her with someone present. A person or persons, like a couple, so that they can act as umpires to prevent it from becoming a slanging match. That must be avoided. Also, if you want me there for moral support, I will avail myself in the capacity of counsel.”
Having taken in all she had said, he replied, “What you’re saying makes sense. I would also take you up on your offer to be present because my wife can become very vociferous when confronted by something of this nature.”

Looking around and up into the sky, they now realized that they had lost track of time. The shadows were lengthening, and it was now late afternoon. She mentioned to him that she was not finished with her story but would complete the telling of it at some opportune time. That morning, when she came for her hike through the woods, she had parked her vehicle in the village. She also knew that she had to get back home soon before her family started to worry about her longer-than-usual absence.

They walked together back into town and talked about their respective homes. They exchanged contact details before parting, and she offered to keep in touch to check up on him and hear about his decision regarding discussing today’s ordeal with his family.

Toby watched her car disappear around the corner and proceeded to the platform from where he would board the train that would get him home. He found an empty seat at the rear end of the coach he got into. Sitting at the window seat, looking out the window but not really seeing anything, for he was deep in thought as to what to expect when he got home and also as to what he would say. His mind was in turmoil, and his thought processes just seemed to be running off in all directions, varied and disconnected. He needed to calm down and not allow fear or panic to grip him. He was so deep in thought that he almost missed his stop.

Arriving home, he proceeded cautiously to the front door and stood still for a moment to calm down and collect his thoughts. Only then did he knock on the door to gain entrance. His daughter came to the door and asked, “Who’s there?” Hearing his voice, she unlocked the door and greeted him by jumping into his arms, a broad smile spreading across her face and shouting, “Daddy, Daddy!” In that instant, he realized that the will to live was not only a good choice but also priceless in estimation.

His wife was busy in the kitchen preparing the family evening meal. Stepping into the kitchen, he hugged her and just whispered in her ear, “I love you.” She was unaccustomed to this. His usual entrance would be just a hello and a kiss on her cheek. She wanted to ask him about the day, but watching him move towards their bedroom, she turned her attention back to her pots. His son, as usual, was in his room, paying full attention to whatever he was busy with on his computer. He just popped his head in and said, “Hi, how are you, son?” to which his son replied without even looking away from the computer screen, “Fine, Dad, no worries.”

Stepping into the bedroom, he opened his wardrobe to take out some clean underwear, a T-shirt, and his favourite boxer shorts before proceeding to the en-suite to shower. This also allowed him the opportunity to gather his thoughts as to how he would broach the subject when talking to his wife and children. Turning the cold water and hot water taps on, he adjusted the water temperature to his required setting and stepped under the water spray. It was refreshing, and he turned around under the spray, enjoying the sensation of the warm water pellets splashing onto his body.

Lathering his facecloth with soap, he proceeded to scrub his body, harder than usual, as if attempting to wash away the experience of the day. After rinsing himself, he enjoyed a minute of just standing under the water spray before closing the taps and stepping out onto the mat to dry himself off.
It was not long after that, maybe about eighteen minutes, that he heard his wife Tammy call out, “Supper’s ready, come and get it!” What normally happened most evenings was that his son Jason was first at the bathroom to wash his hands, followed by his sister Janet and Toby bringing up the rear. No one was allowed at the supper table with “dirty hands.”

Tonight’s meal was a normal weekday meal. It was basmati rice, mild mince curry, and a carrot salad with some finely cut chillies for that hot spicy flavour he liked. There was the usual banter at the table where they would try to work one another up by teasing and name-calling. His wife, son, and daughter were going at it full steam, and tonight he was awfully quiet. This did not go unnoticed by Tammy as she glanced his way on three occasions as if seeking an answer to this unusual mood of his.

To deflect her concern, which he now noticed, Toby asked them for the answer to his question, “Which was the first man to make a ‘mad return’?” All three looked at him, not knowing if this was a trick question or one of his fanciful ideas again. His wife shouted out, a mischievous grin playing on her face, “ADAM. It is A plus DAM as in mad return, ‘mad’ backwards.” For the moment, things were back to normal.
After dinner, Tammy cleared the dinner table, and Toby went to the kitchen to wash the dishes, part of their routine. The children moved to the lounge where they fought over the television remote control. They were left to sort it out between the two of them. Tammy joined Toby in the kitchen and started to dry the dishes that were already washed and rinsed.

In a soft, calm voice, Toby spoke out, “We need to sit down and talk. I want the children to be present as well, as it is very important what I need to say.” Tammy noted the seriousness in his tone and asked if it was wise, as the children were still young and she had absolutely no idea of what was going to be discussed. Listening to her wisdom, he requested that they could first talk about it between the two of them, but that the children needed to be included thereafter, to which she nodded agreement.

The kitchen now spick and span, clean as a whistle, they popped into the lounge and told the children that they were going to the main bedroom to talk about something of importance and did not want to be disturbed.
Tammy was already seated on the bed, on her side, when Toby entered and closed the door behind him. He opted to sit in the occasional chair, which was in the room which would allow him to be positioned to face his wife. Just as she was starting to speak, he blurted out, “I left home this morning to end my life .”

Janet’s face registered shock, then fear, then a mixture of both before it settled into a mask of utter disbelief. Seeing her reaction, he stopped talking further. Tammy let out a scream of pain and hurt, mixed, causing the children to rush into their room, not knowing what had happened or what to expect. Tammy shook her head from side to side and, now, in a state of calmness, burst into tears with deep sobs escaping from her, still trying to process what she had just heard.

Now that they were all in the room and some form of normality had settled in, he proceeded to tell the story of that morning’s episode. Wife and son took it in with disbelief. Young Janet, not fully conversant with what suicide is, went over to her mother for comfort and to give her solace in return. She had somehow felt that something distressing might have happened.

It was an hour later when all was said and done. The children in a sombre mood had retired to their rooms. Tammy had moved over to Toby, and sitting on his lap, hugged him close to her and sweetly thanked God for what she firmly believed was His intervention to avert a tragedy. They could now move forward with their lives in the sure knowledge that God never leaves nor forsakes. Their situation hadn’t changed; their attitude about it had changed.
As promised, Joan came and visited them. She arrived early that Sunday morning, her husband Gary in tow, hoping to invite Toby and his family to a Worship Service at the Baptist Church on Central Square in town. Their affirmation resulted in all of them piling into Joan’s motor vehicle. During the service, the church attendants stood up to sing that beautiful old favourite hymn, “The Old Rugged Cross.”

Janet could not help noticing that when they came to the line, “I will cling to the Old Rugged Cross and exchange it one day for a crown,” how Toby broke out into deep, joyful, tear-filled sobs, causing her to also respond similarly. The Pastor’s message that day was titled, “Jesus is All I Need.”
On their way back to their home, all four of the older persons were busy discussing the points raised about trusting Jesus for everything in all situations. Arriving at the house, they invited the Blaze couple to stay and have lunch with them. They would not take no for an answer, and it was not long before they gathered at the dining room table to enjoy the meal she had prepared.

Satisfied and well-fed, they retired to the lounge area. Small banter was engaged. The ladies talked about their respective lives, and the men sat discussing the previous day’s televised international football match. As the shadows started lengthening, the two women slowed down from their talk about the past. Toby’s wife, Tammy, exclaimed, “The day that almost ended in what would have been a terrible accident for me and the kids, I somewhat suspected that things… were dire. But God, in His infinite mercy, intervened.”

Tammy’s voice held a reverent conviction. “He brought Joan into our lives, and through her, He brought us back to Him.” Toby nodded, his eyes reflecting a deep understanding. The events of that harrowing day had been a stark reminder of life’s fragility, but also of divine grace. He had been given a second chance, not just at life, but at truly living, embraced by his family and grounded in a faith that had proven to be his anchor in the storm. As the last rays of sunlight faded, casting long shadows across the room, a profound sense of peace settled over them all, a testament to the transformative power of redemption and unwavering belief.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health challenges, thoughts of self-harm, or overwhelming despair, please contact your local emergency or crisis line.